THE TANTRUM TRUTH WHY MELTDOWNS COULD ACTUALLY BE A SUPERPOWER

🎙️ In this episode, Katy dives into the importance of understanding and navigating tantrums in the classroom. She explains how challenging behaviors often have underlying causes and how the right approach can turn potential disruptions into teachable moments.

Katy shares practical strategies for staying calm, responding effectively, and supporting children through big emotions. By learning how to manage tantrums with confidence and consistency, educators can help prevent small situations from turning into bigger classroom disruptions.

Whether you’re a teacher, director, or childcare provider, this episode offers helpful tools to create a more positive, balanced classroom environment.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello and welcome. So we're gonna start things a little different this time around. Um, so picture this you're knee deep in finger paint, a three-year-old just launched a cracker into your hair, another one screaming because, well, we actually don't know why. And someone, probably your well-meaning neighbor, says, hmm, you must have the easiest job. Easy? Yeah, sure. Um, if juggling chaos, teaching ABCs, refereeing low Lego wars, and negotiating peace treaties counts as easy, then you just about nailed it. Hi everyone, I'm Katie Dank, and welcome back to Childcare Confidential, where we get real about the ups, downs, the messy middle of early childhood education. Today we're talking about tantrums. Um, yes, those screaming, stomping, chaos-filled meltdowns, and why, believe it or not, these can actually be a superhero and superpower in disguise. So let's get one thing straight. Most people, including some parents, think tantrums are manipulative, attention-seeking, or even proof that their child or a child is spoiled. And yes, sometimes us teachers give the little eye roll too, because how could you not? But here's the truth tantrums are normal, they're healthy, and they're a part of early childhood development. They're children's brains that are actually trying to process overwhelming emotions, communicate whatever their needs that they have that are currently being unmet, and they're figuring out and testing boundaries, which I know we don't love, but it is a helpful piece in the process of development. Edge and I, every tantrum is a chance to teach emotional vocabulary. Even if it's screaming at full volume, we can say, I can see you're frustrated, and it's okay because we all get frustrated. I mean, who doesn't? And don't worry, if your classroom is anything like mine was, sometimes the tiny humans are basically walking emotion labs, and I know it's exhausting, but it's also real life learning in real time. So let's talk about science for just a minute. So, kids, their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps with self-control, isn't fully online yet. Well, until a long, long time from now. But basically, they're wired to explode, these tiny humans, their brains are wired to explode, both literally and metaphorically. And developmentally, they're learning to trust how to be independent, um, how to take initiative. And realistically, I'm pretty sure Ericsson would be proud. Um, modeling calm regulation isn't something that just comes to us easy. I completely understand, and I am also one that experiences the challenge within that. But even in the middle of a meltdown, our tone, our breathing, and responses are teaching the child how to handle their emotions in that exact situation they're currently in. For example, taking a slow breath, counting to three, or trying to talk through the situation kind of calmly. Like, I see you're upset, so let's take a deep breath together. We can do this together. It doesn't just have to be you. Those are things that are gonna benefit not only you as the adult trying to handle the situation and you know, redirect, but the tiny human would benefit from it too. Meltdowns are not just annoying, they're data points. You should ask yourself this. Is this about hunger? Is this about tiredness? Are you tired? Are you overstimulated? Because yes, me too. Um, do you have a need for like you need your space, you need your own independence? Is that what you have going on? You can learn literally so much about a child's needs if you just pause and watch instead of immediately reacting. And yes, sometimes that observation includes dodging flying crackers, like in the beginning of today's episode. So, okay, let's get practical. Here's how tantrums become teaching moments in real time. All right, so first off, we're gonna validate their feelings. That's our step one, okay? Everybody loves to have their feelings validated, including the tiny people. So I see you're upset. It's okay to feel mad. Um, even the tiniest humans have to learn that emotions are normal, but they're also manageable. Some adults don't even know that. So it's good that we're practicing now. All right, step two. We're gonna scaffold those choices. Do you want to calm down on the mat with your fidget toy? Um this particular interaction in what we call step two teaches to skip decision making, um, independence, and problem solving kind of all in one. So it's vastly important. Then we're going to step three, which we kind of already discussed, but it's that narrating the behavior. And it sounds weird when you say it like that because who wants to like narrate in third person what's happening? But the kiddos really, really react well to it. So you're stomping your feet because you want the truck, and I can see that. Did that take anything away from me? No. Two seconds, maybe. But you're teaching empathy, you're teaching communication, and you're teaching that emotions have words. It's it's okay. If you're mad, you could tell me you're mad. Doesn't mean we can act on it, but you can certainly tell me when you're mad. And then step four, that's gonna be our reflection period of time. So we're gonna discuss what happened, we're gonna just we're going to discuss how they felt in the moment. Maybe what we could try next time. Like, I could so see that you were upset that Jimmy took your truck and you were so mad, and so you decided to take it back. But next time, next time we should try this. That's when the learning like solidifies in their brains. Like, oh my gosh, every cause is gonna have a reaction, everything that I'm doing, there's gonna be a consequence. Sometimes your calm down corner becomes a tiny wrestling ring, and that's okay. It's still learning. Tiny humans are unpredictable, but I very much feel as though if we embrace it, we're gonna see the most optimal side at the end. Leaders, no, this one's for you. Okay, your role in all of this is huge. Teachers need your guidance, they need your support and modeling, and this is how we're gonna do it. Okay. So we're gonna provide professional development focused on social emotional learning. We're gonna debrief after those meltdowns. That's our reflection period. Not to criticize, not even yourself, but to reflect and strategize. That has been my biggest turning point, I would say, this year is the difference in looking at things on how to not so much just criticize every wrong move I made, every small thing I didn't feel like I did correctly, but instead strategize how I'm gonna make those pivotal moves to not do that again. That's that's growth, that's learning. And then we're gonna encourage intentional language and calm interventions in every single one of our classrooms. That's where you get your culture. You know, if you've listened to any of our podcasts, you will know that Jess and I very much are big on culture, we're big on integrity. Um, but this is kind of why. So we're gonna coach these teachers through these tantrums. And it sounds really crazy when you say it like that, because a majority of teachers, too, also have tiny humans themselves. So why do they need coached? Well, because if you are in the field of education and you tell me that you don't need any more education, you don't need any more training, I'm gonna call you a liar. Because in this field, we are lifelong learners for a reason, and we should be taking advantage of the fact that somebody somewhere has been through something, and they can give me insight so that I don't have to have such a crappy moment when I go through it. I love that about this community and then this field. But we're gonna help staff see meltdowns as data points, not a failure, okay? Model what calm, intentional, um just normal intervention looks like. Model that for your teachers. Yes, I've stood in the middle of a classroom while a tiny banshee screams at the top of their lungs, and somehow I remained professional. Coffee might have helped. However, I did. I did manage to stay pretty like we sawed, so it's impressive on my behalf, I would say. All right. There are some things that I wanted to go over more in depth, like within kind of the things that we've been talking about with this episode. I want to talk about the main points. The first one being we label the emotions, meaning like name what the child is feeling. It sounds redundant if I see a small person that's struggling because obviously they're mad. You can tell that's the emotion that they're feeling. But I'll always be like, oh, I can see that you're really mad right now. Do you want to talk about what made you mad? Do you want to go calm down for a minute and then come back and we can talk by about why you were mad? Like those are things that sometimes I feel like us as educators and even just adults fast forward and skip over. And that's not exactly beneficial for ourselves or the tiny people that we're trying to teach. Um, the next one would be offered the choices, scaffold independence, and problem solving. I can't tell you how many people or how many teachers in the field are my way or the highway, and you cannot be that. You just can't. Unfortunately, working with the tiny humans means that I have to give a plethora of options and hope that those kiddos are gonna pick the best option that's possible for them. But sometimes it doesn't work out that way, and I think that all of us need to take a step back and realize that that's 100% okay. It happens. Then we're gonna model the calm, right? Your calm is contagious. I heard that from Jess when I first started, but your calm is contagious. So if I walk into a chaos-filled room, literally kids going crazy, nuts, there is very minimal structure happening because it's just one of those days. If I don't remain calm, I'm just gonna feed off their energy and then we're all gonna be losing our minds. That's not beneficial to anyone either. There's gotta be at least one person in a classroom that has their head and the mindset and mentality that everything is going to be okay once they get through that next little hump to just remain calm. And if you're not calm, so say you're a you're a leader, right? You're a director of a school, we'll say that. You're a director of a school, and it's your job to go and help preschool D. You're supposed to go help them because they have an unruly class today. They're nuts, it's crazy, it's chaos, yada yada, yada. You're supposed to go help them, but you've had an off day, you didn't have coffee or whatever the case may be. Are you gonna go in there when you're not calm? Absolutely not. That's not gonna benefit anyone. If anything, it's gonna make it harder on not only the humans, but your teacher who really needs your help. You see what I'm saying? Like you're going to have to take a pause to make sure that your calm is contagious and that you're not just gonna go in there and start being the exact same as the rest of those tiny people. Okay. We're gonna observe triggers. We're gonna look for developmental needs, any overstimulation or unmet needs. Um, if you are a leader, if you are a provider, if you are a teacher, learn how to communicate with your children and the students in your class without actually being able to use words. And I know that sounds really crazy, but we have come upon it so many times, and now it's just kind of a staple. You need to have visual cue cards if you can, um, have a member of your staff or as many as you can really to start learning ASL. That's huge and very, very helpful, especially in situations where kiddos just can't verbalize what they need. And then the developmental needs, in the sense of if you see a small human who maybe is giving you more concerns that they need to talk more to their pediatrician, or maybe they'll be a candidate for, like in the state of Indiana, we have first steps if they're gonna be a candidate for that. Those are always great observations to make just to stay up in the fact that you don't know what they are or aren't gonna need. But realistically, remembering you're calm, remember, calm is contagious. As soon as you remember that, even the kiddos that are the most challenging to work with and work through things with, I promise you, if you are able to manage to remain calm, it's going to benefit you and everyone else in your building so much more. Next time a meltdown happens, pause. I have been doing this so many times here lately, and it has been a game changer. But if you genuinely just take a minute and don't feel like you need to just blurt out whatever answer or reaction that you came up with on the fly, and you take a minute to really process what you want to say, how you want to say it, how you want to be perceived, where you want the situation to go, I promise you it's gonna be it's gonna be a night and day difference, and you just have to do it in order to see that. And then instead of frustration, ask, what is this child learning right now? If you separate yourself in the grand scheme of things, the fact that even if this child is really having an off time, you're having a hard time communicating, you're having a hard time understanding, you can't get through to them, whatever the case may be, in that exact moment, they are learning something. It might not be exactly what you had in mind for them to learn, but they are in fact learning. And that as an educator should spark your curiosity and make you feel good about yourself because that is literally our whole goal is to make sure these tiny people are learning every single day. And I do want to hear from you. Jess and I would love that. I want to hear your funniest, craziest, most successful, or even unsuccessful tantrum stories. Send them in and maybe I will get a chance to feature them in our next episode. I do want to end today's little conversation on a side note. Remember, chaos is temporary, learning is forever, and you are making a real difference every single day. I promise you, you are. It's hard to see from our side of things sometimes, but you really are making the biggest difference, and these tiny people couldn't do it without us. And I hope every person in our field always remembers that. Again, my name is Katie Dink. I'm with Childcare Confidential. I'm so glad that you guys um listened. Um, please don't forget to share, like, subscribe, continue following us on this journey. We have some really cool stuff coming around the bend. Stay calm, reflective, keep embracing your little superpowers, regardless of how small they may seem. You will benefit from them. Until next time, we will see you then. Bye bye.