Staff vs. Parents: The Blow Up That Split the Center

🎙️ In this episode, Jessica and Katy walk through a messy parent confrontation that many childcare professionals can relate to. They unpack what led up to the situation, how it unfolded, and the impact it had on everyone involved.

Through honest reflection, they share lessons learned, strategies for de-escalation, and ways to handle conflict with professionalism and confidence. This episode offers practical insight for anyone navigating tough conversations with families while maintaining boundaries and respect.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:11

Hello, and welcome back to Childcare Confidential. I'm Jessica Hampton, and this is my lovely co-host, Katie Denk. Hello, everybody. Hello, hello. All right, guys. Today we are talking staff versus parents. The blow-up that split the center. This is the kind of situation that keeps directors up at night. We've all been there. Yes, we have. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you do, someone is always, always gonna be upset.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

That's life, but yes, yes, that's accurate. It just starts with one parent that questions everything, that doubts everything, that corrects you, corrects the teacher. And at first, at first, we're like, okay, this is a huge pain, and we're in, but we can do this. It's manageable.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Yeah, yeah. But then it kind of spreads throughout the whole center and doesn't feel so manageable anymore, does it? You get the emails, the complaints, yeah, the conversations with other parents that have heard. Hmm. And now your staff is feeling it. They feel watched, they feel undermined.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

So many things. And it gets ridiculous, though. Um, Jess and I were just having this conversation, what, last week or was it the week before? Oh, I think it was last week. Okay, I think it's fun time. So genuinely, well, generally, I should say, we don't have very many issues within the building. I would say parents that we have the majority of the times are fantastic, easygoing, not crazy. I think we want to partner with you, not a crazy.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

I love you.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Yes, yeah, yes. We have lots of them that partner, but then we have the ones that don't. And we had a really, really very interesting situation that took place about a week ago where we had a parent who brought this super perfect tiny human to come join our new school. Yes, the cutest little thing.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Well, of course, we want to partner with this parent, so we're trying to listen to what they have to say, telling them how we could best support them. But with the small friends, when it's their first day, it doesn't always go as planned.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

There's gonna be some hiccups, yeah, especially if the parent never stops holding the child. Okay, man, you just yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

We've all been there, we know what it's like. Yeah, but we don't, we don't ever put the the the child never goes down, ever. Is always held, loved on, and has a hundred percent attention without a doubt. There is never a lapse in time where that's not happening. Yeah. I don't know about you, Jess, but in group care, we don't get to do that, unfortunately. I would love to hold them all day.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Yes, we do as much as possible, obviously, but when you have four infants to one teacher, that's not always feasible. And sometimes you have to put the baby down. No, not down.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

What are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 3:31

I know that parent did not like that we put that baby down.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

No, so fast forward through the day. This is after multiple like messages through our little messaging system, some phone calls, we're communications on it. Yes, yeah. Mom finally comes to pick up for the day, and we are madder than mad because how dare we put said child down and not give them our undivided attention with the four other children in the classroom. How dare we tell us?

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

I know.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

I feel like that's kind of like a lot of other things too, like unrealistic expectations might be a thing for our field. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

It's like it's like that's been a thing forever.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

But so this parent, and we Jess and I pride ourselves on the fact that if there is something happening inside the schools, like and it's a very escalated situation where a parent's that mad, I am happy to take over and take that weight off of our directors and our teachers. Like, that shouldn't have to be their fault. Yeah, well, thank you so much, Jess, for gifting me that opportunity because this parent was a whack-a-doodle. And I don't think that's a nice I that's the nicest way I could put it, I think. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes they wanted to fight us and like refuse to leave. We ended up having to call the nice police officers.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

How sad is it when you have to have a school call the police because you refuse to leave the building because you want to keep yelling at us? Like, we're not gonna yell back at you. We're just gonna tell you there's the door, have a great life. Um, but we're we're not, you know, trying to match your energy, we're trying to do. And if you continue to go crazy in this situation, um, then we are going to simply just say, you know what, if you don't leave right now, we'll call the police. And I just love that that parent was like, go ahead and try it.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

I mean, I did I did try it and I did succeed. And our kids actually ended up getting an experience because they got to watch the cruisers drive by with their lights on. So we just needed that.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

But that parent. Well, and we should say that no other children in the building saw what was going on, that kind of thing. Our office was kind of up front where you have to walk back to the classrooms. So nobody even knew what was happening. So they were excited about the police car, you know, coming and that sort of thing. Um, meanwhile, up front, not the same situation.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

But I don't even know why it has to get to that point, just like you were saying, Jess. Like we legitimately we care for young humans, we try to educate young learners. Why are you in here yelling at me? If it's not a good fit, that's great. Take your kiddo and go find somewhere that is.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

You need a nanny, honey. Yeah, somebody that can hold your one child all day long. That is not group care. So there is a big difference, I think, on expectations, um, and then what's what you get. Like we said earlier, if you have four infants in a room, you do have to feed other infants. You cannot just hold a baby all day. What you can't, but that might just mean the group care fit is not a great fit, it doesn't make it bad though, right? No, we just want to help you find the right fit for you, which was not us clearly, not uh, and that's okay because we're happy without the crazy, but that is not the only situation we've had as we were talking about this episode and things that have happened. It is so important. If you are a parent, please hear me. Yes, you have every right to say a complaint or to talk to the school and ask questions. Every right, yes, we want to partner with you. We can't solely do this on ourselves, you can't do it on yourself because you are at work, and so we want to partner with you, which means we need information, communication is key. What we had a parent years ago um that we did not know was bipolar. Um, we found out through mom after we had an incident happen at the school. And what happened was the parent that came was not even coming to drop off his child at the time. He came and yeah, he can't just just yell at us before his child arrived with mom. That's so sweet. Yeah, that was so nice. That's what I wanted out at 8 a.m. on a Monday morning. Can't even get it up. Yeah, it was like, oh, hi, okay. Um, but he obviously was having a manic episode, which we found out after the fact. Um, and he was calling us all sorts of names. If you can think it, we were called it. Um, we did have to call the police in that situation, refused to leave the building. However, after the police came, um, he left and then mom came to drop off. And my heart just broke for her because I could not allow the child to stay at school. And she started crying and telling us about the episode and hoping we'd reconsider and things like that. And your heart breaks in those situations, but we have to protect all of the children in our care. And by letting that child attend, still we were not doing so because we did not want this situation to happen again. Um, yeah. So we sent her away, and she obviously was visibly upset, of course, um, but understood because she had walked through it a time or two, and we just found out about it. Um, so that triggered our dad friend even more. How blessed to the point where we got over a hundred phone calls back to back to back to back. So we then had to call the police back out and say, hey, this is what's going on. How do we make it stop? So the next time this parent called, and yes, we do have caller ID. Y'all know we need to call it.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

If you're a child care student, you should have yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Um, I mean, it's 2026. If you don't, I'm shocked, but um, but yeah, so he kept calling over a hundred times. We call the police back out, and the next time he calls, and the police officer is listening to the calls as soon as we answer, he cusses us out and hangs up every time. Yep. And we have to keep answering, you know, because that's what we do. We're business, answer the phone. And so the next time he calls, the sheriff goes, Can I? And I said, Absolutely. He picks up the phone and goes, Sheriff's office, how can I help you? No, and then he starts cussing him in. So we finally got it under control for a minute, and the sheriff leaves. Well, we're like, Okay, thank God we're finally done with whatever this was, because we're still going, what? Yeah, I'm still so confused. The accusations weren't even real, like, which honestly happens often, but the accusations were not even real. Um, and so we were just dumbfounded, right? And so I was getting ready to leave on summer vacation for the week, and the director there was still there. Well, uh, I'm getting calls all the way on my four-hour drive to where we're going, and we're getting emails. Oh, uh, bring doorbell doorbell camera footage of the police showing up at this guy's house, and like he's yelling at him and sending him away and all this stuff, and so he's emailing these videos of him to our work email communication hustling us out in all capital letters. So we stuff yelling and went to email, okay. Um, we have to get a restraining order. I mean, it just kept going and going. And I'm like, what is wrong with this guy? Well, he ended up in jail, but anyway, don't mess with us.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Don't mess with us. Actually, maybe just don't send threatening messages via email and I'll caps lock after the cops are already kind of on your coattails about being a harasser.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Yes, and and if you were a parent, not in a bipolar situation in this case, but in a if you're a parent and you have a concern, yeah, talk about it, don't let it boil up until you're losing your mind, right? And then it's like 50,000 things. Go to your school and just have a conversation. This situation got so blown out of hand when all he had to do was come to us and say, Hey, why was my kid the only kid that was playing in our indoor playground area? Um and the other kids were sitting out here, and it was like the answer was because your child was the only one that wanted to play indoor playground area at the time that you showed up, and that really upset him. But that really the answer was well, your child wanted to play. We were all sitting there ready for pickup and ready to go and singing songs and doing our thing, right? And they asked if they could go play, so we let them so crazy how you would do that.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

You would allow children to go play in a child care center.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

I swear, these are you would think we're making this stuff up, but it is unreal, the things that people say or think. Sometimes your perceptions just off. Yeah, uh more than often. If you yeah, if you partner with the school and you trust the people that you have decided, yeah, are there to care for your child while you're gone several hours a day, right? There has to be a trust factor there, and when that trust is broken on either side, yeah, it's hard to mend that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I also don't think that it helps either when a parent is nasty or decides to not go to the director and then they verbally attack or yell at or make our teachers teachers feel less than because then what does that do? It just drops that staff morale.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Staff morale drops like crazy in those situations. Um, because then they're looking inside and going, okay, well, what did I do wrong? Exactly. Was I not supposed to let the little girl go play, even though she wanted to? You know, um, but the truth is, you know, you did the right thing, and sometimes perception is wrong. What you do after that situation defines everything, how you handle it, how the resolution goes.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Well, also, if you think back, this is this is a few months ago, but we had a situation where we had a family that maybe wasn't necessarily the best fit for us, we weren't the best fit for them, we decided to part ways. Um, later, because in our area, there's not as many childcare centers as I would like there to be that focus very heavily on the curriculum aspect, the education aspect, really like the learning. And not all of them were like that, but quite a few. And so this parent was like, Well, actually, I made a mistake and I want to come back now. Can you please let me come back? And you and I had this whole conversation.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

We did, we went back and forth, back and forth.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

And Jess is not typically the what do we call you, the gray. I'm normally the gray, she's the black and white. But in this instance, Jess was the gray, and she's like, maybe we should. I can see it from this perspective, but at the end of the day, we chose our staff. We chose to respect our staff, and because our staff were one the ones that were made kind of uncomfortable and the situation wasn't working out well, we ultimately chose to support them. Yep. And like that's what we we chose to do. And I still feel like the decision that we made was the best for the school, in my opinion, at least.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

I agree with you. Um, I was a little gray in the area just because being a mom, you know, I could see, you know, I sympathize with our families and what they're going through. And in this situation, I was sympathizing with the mom, and she was very apologetic, realized what had happened. Right. She took all blame, you know, she's like, I let it get out of hand. They wanted to come back, and and I got several apologies, and I was like, um You did, you did too. I did absolutely but ultimately our staff was hurt by the situation, and they felt like that trust was broken because they were getting defensive, they weren't trusting us, they wanted more and more and more, and we couldn't answer fast enough, guys. I'm not the fastest texter or anybody. So I know I hate it. Um but yeah, if you know me, you know. Um, but but at the time, you know, you have to support your team, and the team was hurt and they were broken from it. And um I think the best thing for our staff morale, and what defined us in that situation as supporting our staff was to say this just isn't a good fit. Exactly. It was hard because we knew the parent. Um, but you have to do, like I said earlier, you have a hundred and some little kiddos at your school or however many you have, you have to protect and support everybody. And if there is one situation that's not going well and that trust is kind of broken, you can't just solely focus on that one situation and lose the morale for the rest of the school. Um same thing with staff. What?

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, I do want to say though, too, in this exact instance, even if you choose to support your staff, which I really hope the majority of providers do choose their staff. Yes. And they're, you know, to make sure that they're covered first. Um, but regardless, whatever you do, whether it's a very challenging conversation with a parent, whether it's a challenging conversation with your staff member, you can do literally anything with integrity, which is Jess's favorite, but you also can do it with kindness. That family that unfortunately wasn't going to work out well for us in all situations. We make sure that we offer them some alternative care choices. We ask them how we could help partner and like bridge that gap. You can do it nicely and it still be the end.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yes. I will say, Katie, you did a really good job at that in this situation because I was kind of the oh. And usually I'm like, well, did they do this? Well, we have a rule, you know, and going back to my systems kind of thing. But in this situation, it was a tough one. But Katie did a great job. She sat down with the family and made sure they were provided resources to other schools. Um, she got them information, um, really gave them, you know, something to go with, not just, hey, you're out, because a parent's already frantic at that point. What do I do? Um, so we need to, even though we may not agree with the parent, in some situations, remember, we do do this for a living. Yeah. Um, but in some situations, it's best to provide and support the child through it by giving them resources to go somewhere else. Um, and I like to say that on tours too. I like to give you as much information as I can and also say, here's some information about our state and how our quality system works and some resources for you so that if we're not the right fit, we'd love for you to find the right fit. Because if we're not the right fit, we don't want you to be here as much as you don't want to be here after that, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

You can tell pretty quickly too if it's going to be yes, maybe not the right fit, but if it's if it's gonna gel or not, I can tell probably within five minutes of what the parents are asking in the tour or what they're seeing. Yeah, I can we can age it. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

It's just it's so important, and that doesn't mean that it's not the right fit if you have a question or concern, correct? That's that's not what that means. We don't just say, Oh, you're questioning our what? No, you're the parent. You know, we want to partner with you, and if it's just not a good partnership, then it's just not a good partnership. Um but if you're not satisfied after meeting or talking about that conversation, or you have further questions, I mean you need to talk through those because I do think people build it up a lot and they let things kind of fester, and then all of a sudden, one thing happens maybe a shoelace is untied. You know, it'll be the littlest thing, and it's like, well, this this and we're like, okay, hold on, you never brought this up. This is new information. We're gonna have to be this one item at a time while we get through it all, you know, and it would just save yourself and the schools so much if you just communicate well with them, and if the school communicates well with you, I will say with the infant parent that we just had, um, we communicated very well with them. Communication was not the key in a lot of situations like that. We will try to overcommunicate, um, just To kind of help the parent walk through it to get the other resources, or we'll have to call the police. It just kind of depends on where they did not to take the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

I did not offer her any resources.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

That parent she got escorted at um by our lovely friends. You know, I mean, I would not either, because your instinct in those situations is to come back at somebody, to match their energy, to get defensive. But when you're in a professional setting, you can't do that, guys. You can't. You cannot match energy. No, don't do it. It's just ugly all around. It is.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

You're gonna regret it.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Don't be that person that has to be like over the top with every comment. It's not, it's not leadership, it's not good. Don't do it. But you can de escalate the situation and find a resolution. And our resolution was the police department, and they did a mighty fine job. Okay, we didn't start with outside outside resources.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

We did start with them in fairness. We tried to de-escalate, but she wouldn't leave. No, she asked me if I if I would enjoy her to fight me, and then I felt like I probably should just call for assistance.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

What is wrong with people? Like she also had on the sandals in a child care center.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

She had on the sandals. I knew she wasn't ready to fight, and it was gonna be just fine, which is why I called our beautiful police department, and we moved right along.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

But hey, Katie, Katie's got this though. She could take somebody out if she has to.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

I'm a lover, not a fighter, Jess. Don't tell people otherwise.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Get back to it there, superstar.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Where are we? At the end of the day, what we're trying to say though is when you try to keep everyone happy, you usually lose the people who matter most, which is why you should most certainly always choose your staff, defend them in every possible opportunity because they're gonna be the people that speak highly of you when you're not at the table. They're gonna be the people that surround you when you're at the lowest point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

So important. So important. They have to, I mean, that's such a huge thing. I mean, have you ever walked into a room where everybody gets quiet and you just know everybody's talking about you? That's not a good feeling as a leader. And I will tell you, that happened to me so many times with other leadership that we had at our school. And it's not a good feeling. No. And when you're a leader, you just go, okay, I'm gonna let it go. However, it also hurts the morale of your school, and it caused us to have to do a pretty big morale shift at some point in our school because it was getting kind of negative. As we all know, centers can, early childhood can, when you work with a lot of women. Guys, we love you too. Um, unfortunately, we've only had one or two guys at a time that worked with us. They are also dramatic, though. Yes, they are dramatic, less guys than women in this field, but um, but you know, that's important, and it's also important, you know, we say support your staff, you know, that's extremely important. But staff, hear me when I say that does not mean that you can demand a child not be in your classroom because you have that behavior. No, because when when staff bring that to me, I just go, Oh no, no, no, sweetheart, we don't get options like that. I don't do ultimatums.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

No, she does not, she does not deal with those at all.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

I never do an ultimatum. So my staff knows me well enough to know nope, I will do the exact opposite if you come at me like that. Now, what if you come at me and say, Hey, I need support, that is different than saying I'm not gonna have this child in my classroom because this is that's that's not how we problem. No, so that is not what we mean by support staff. It does not mean the teacher doesn't want to kiddo in the room, so you gotta just move them out. That that's not a resolution.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

No, it means that staff are gonna do what they're supposed to do and they're gonna document and they're gonna record and they're gonna allow us as admin to stay informed when we need to be so that we can protect you. That's what that means. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

I just wanted to clarify that point because you know, we have all sorts of people that listen on the podcast. We've got, you know, parents, educators, admin, uh, all sorts of people. And so I just want to make sure we're kind of hitting every angle. Yes, I love that. Yeah, I think it's really important to uh, you know, we said at the beginning the blow up that split the center and staff versus parents, it really shouldn't be staff versus parents when you're in these settings. We are partnering together. Uh and that's really important. And I know Katie has created some partnership programs with our families that have been a great resource to our families. So if we are being the resource and coming up with different ideas, we should be partnering together. And if you have concerns, you should be bringing them up to your school so that we can walk through them with you.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yes, not your social media platforms, it's not a good place to be expressing any of your concerns if you actually want something done.

SPEAKER_02 27:45

Yeah, I love when people post on the big town chatter groups and everything, and they're like, I went to this restaurant and it was they didn't have this, and it was awful. And I'm like, Well, did you talk to a manager? No, not we've got a lot of keyboard warriors, but not actual conversations, not keyboard warriors. Oh no, sometimes, sometimes. But yes, so all of that to say, partner with your families, don't make it staff versus parents, yes, and if you are in a tough situation, how you handle it, de-escalate it, resolution, whatever it is, is what really defines everything. Matching energy does not do don't do that. No, and when you try to keep everyone happy, usually the people that matter most lose out. So yeah, I couldn't have said it better. Yay! Hey, real quick, before we go, we want to tell you about some new things coming up. So you may have seen some of our posts lately on our page and maybe on our website, but we are starting a new adventure. Hey, part of part of childcare confidential, but we're calling it the vault. Katie, what do you think of the vault?

SPEAKER_01 29:14

I think the vault is gonna be the coolest thing.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

I agree, I agree. We mean leadership groups, and you know, I think one of the things that I get most out of the leadership groups that we've kind of been a part of going to the conferences is the connection with other leaders. Yes, feeling like somebody will finally just talk to me and like be normal, and I don't have to keep it all inside. Um, one of the things that we had posted recently was like, what kind of hits home with what you're dealing with right now? And a lot of the responses we are getting is a lot of directors are feeling alone. They're feeling alone in the field, and that's been the biggest response so far. And so that kind of brought us to bringing up the vault and how it's kind of a connection of community to where we'll get on coaching calls, we'll get on one-on-one calls, we'll have extra added resources on our website for you. Um, but it's just to stay committed to something every month and make sure you're checking in with people and bringing what you're really dealing with, what your family doesn't really understand because they're not in it every day. Um, or what you know, you can't tell your staff because you're supposed to be their leader. You know, all the things that so a lot of times that just leaves you feeling pretty alone. And I know in leadership I felt pretty alone until Katie and I met up. Now we talk about everything, but not everybody has that. I know I really didn't have that until we kind of connected, and we actually connected before working together, right? We just connected in the field and started having lunch together. Um, but that connection grew and grew, and we were able to tell each other more and more. So there will be a confidentiality part to it, obviously, um, because we want directors admin to come and be able to say what they need to say, to be able to be that sounding board, to give ideas for like your next thing, to tell you what we've done and what's worked or what hasn't worked. Um, so that's a lot of what the vault is. If you go to our website at childcareconfidential.com, you will see a page called The Vault. It's right there. And on that page, there is a sign-up form where you can fill out your name and email and stuff, and we will get you some more information. But we are starting on June 3rd. Woo! Get in there and get signed up. It'll be a lot of fun. We're excited.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

And it's a place where everyone is welcome, which is the biggest piece that we wanted to make sure everybody knew that it does not matter where you come from, where you're at, where you're at in the world, it does not matter. You are welcome. It is your spot too.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Absolutely, absolutely. We're pretty proud of it. We've been working on it for probably almost a year now for a long time. We've been putting stuff in the background and getting all the training series like set up and ready to go. So you'll be seeing more of those too. But we love you all here at Childcare Confidential and keep sending us our stories. We are going to do some more story submission videos too, um, because we've gotten quite a few lately. So comment, share, like, subscribe. We love it. Thanks so much, guys. Have a wonderful day. Bye.