Unlearning: The Things We Had to Let Go to Grow

🎙️ Unlearning: The Things We Had to Let Go to Grow

Growth isn't always about learning something new—sometimes it's about unlearning the things that are holding us back.

In this episode, Katy and Jessica have an honest conversation about the beliefs, habits, leadership styles, and assumptions they had to let go of throughout their childcare journey. From outdated industry practices to personal mindsets that no longer served them, they share the lessons that came from challenging what they thought they knew.

They discuss how growth often requires discomfort, why letting go can be just as important as moving forward, and how being willing to adapt has helped them become stronger leaders, educators, and advocates for children and families.

Whether you're a childcare owner, director, teacher, or someone navigating your own professional growth, this episode offers valuable insight into the power of reflection, change, and continuous learning.

Join Katy and Jessica as they explore the things they had to unlearn in order to grow. 🌱✨

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello, hello, and welcome back to Childcare Confidential. My name is Katie Dink.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Hello, and I'm Jessica. Welcome to Child Care Confidential. We're gonna start today by telling you about our Vault coaching program that has launched in June. We're very excited about it. It's been a dream for probably a couple years in the making with Katie and I. But we feel like everybody needs a place where they can come and talk freely about what is going on in their school and get some ideas on how to solve those things. But we want to walk through everything with coaches, with directors, with administrators, with owners, um, just to kind of make sure you have the support that you need. That was something that I struggled with in all of my child care career. There wasn't a lot of coaching out there at the time. And so we want to make sure that nobody is alone in their administrative duties in early childhood. So we hope that you will join us. Make sure to check out our website at childcareconfidential.com. There's a lovely tab at the top that says the vault, and it'll show you on there how to get signed up. So hope you come join us. It's gonna be great. We've got a couple of directors and um some owners in the program right now, and we're really excited about it. So, all that to tell you about the vault, but let's get started with what we are talking about today. On today's podcast, we're talking about unlearning, unlearning habits and beliefs that we held on to quietly ended up hurting our business. And it was hard to let them go, but you have to let some of that go.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

I'm glad you're saying it now, Jess. Say it more for the people in the back. Tell you what, it took a minute to get there. No, I feel like more so this is not changing like what we do in the day-to-days, it's just changing how we think and our mindset. It's messy, it's personal, and it's been the backbone backbone of how we've grown this entire time, whether it's in your career, your profession, or even just in life.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Absolutely. We're gonna talk about why unlearning beats hustling harder. That's a hard one for this girl because I'm a hustler. I gotta get it done, gotta get checked off my list. I love a good list. You do um, but I used to think that growth was all about adding more, more hours, more offers, more platforms, all of the things. I just needed to work harder, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:02

No.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

But the big unlocks came from actually subtracting some things. What you can do, hard to believe.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Subtracting things frees up time, clears your mind, all the good things. Weird. I guess I'm in the same boat. There's the stuff that looks productive on the outside, like my late night emails. I'm so bad about that. Um, saying yes to every opportunity, but that's actually called avoidance. You should have those boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

Oof, yes. We've all been in that avoidance stage for sure. That's uh that's one that's hard to get through sometimes, especially with that hard conversation with the director or a staff person that you may need to have. I like to avoid those sometimes too. I do, I very much. Not good leadership, but we'll get there. It's all a learning process, right? Right. So let's each name one belief that we had to unlearn just to set the stage.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Okay, okay. Well, so this one I'm unlearning still currently. I wouldn't say I've mastered it just yet, but busy equals valuable. I thought I had to constantly be going 100 miles an hour in order to be considered valuable or like wanted or needed. No. Um, but if I wasn't exhausted, then I just felt guilty, like I wasn't doing enough.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yeah, no, I totally get that. I think that part of our culture in America too just tells us to the busier you are, the better you are. And it's okay to like take a breath. Is it? Is that okay? It's okay to block out things in your calendar so that you have a minute to like actually get that creative idea you've been trying to get for months. Um, but mine is probably that good leaders have all the answers. Yeah, admitting uncertainty kind of felt like failure to me. And I had to learn the hard way sometimes that you don't always have to have all the answers.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

I feel like that needs a moment of silence just in itself, because how many I can raise my hand, I know this. Um, but how many of us expect that we are supposed to have every answer for everything that has ever happened within our schools at every single moment of every day? I know that I am in mode, so I understand Jess.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

I fully yeah, I had to get to the point where I could say, let me get back to you with the answer. Oh, I'll be okay with that. Yeah, we be okay with that was the hard part.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Jess and I were just having a conversation actually this morning. So I don't know about the rest of our listeners who may be um hearing all of this good stuff right now, but Jess and I have conversations every Wednesday morning, Thursday morning, sometimes Friday mornings depends. But um, we just kind of go through and I ask her all the things that are popped up in my brain. And sometimes she's like, I actually don't know that right now, but I'm gonna find out and I'm gonna get back to you. I still appreciate it. On that little note, make sure you follow up though. That's key. Yeah, yeah. Eventually you do have to have an answer. But between both Jess and I's um fact that we're unlearning these things, both of us were wrong. We were just utterly and completely wrong. You do not have to be productive to be valuable, and you do not have to have every single answer every single time that you are supposed to. You don't.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Um, but this is where we kind of dive into a little bit deeper of the secondary part for this, which is the unlearning personal habits that actually hurt your business. Um, we started with kind of our key characteristics of what that looks like, but we're gonna go a little bit deeper. So I'll I'll go first. You know, you're welcome, Jess. Um but a habit I had to unlearn is reactive mornings. I am notorious for it. Um, but I'd wake up, I'd open up my phone, and then I'd let other people's priorities set my day. Like somehow that was my burden to carry. Why? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Oof. I I probably still do that a little bit to where I have to go, wait a second, you already had something planned for today. You don't have to move everything to make something else happen. Um, but what did you replace it with, Katie?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

I gave myself a 45-minute buffer. And a lot of people aren't gonna think that 45 minutes sounds like a lot, but it really is. That's your mental time to create the mindset that you want for your day. Um, what a blessing. Um, I don't have, I don't look at my inbox. I look at three things every morning during my buffer. What matters most today for me, whether it be personal or professional, what is actually in my control. That's a big one. Oof, that's a good one. I know. Nobody likes that though. You can't you can't actually change things that aren't in your control. But um, and what can wait? Um, I'm also a list person. Jess and I have very similar attributes in that capacity.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

That's why we work so well together.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Um, but that what can wait, that one made everything just less chaotic. It gave you that mental pause before things start getting crazy because you know they do in childcare.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Yes, they do, and they do quickly. So, okay. Hear me out, child care owners, hear me out, and directors, administrators, you'll feel this too. Mine was overowning absolutely everything. Gasp. I know. Katie and I actually just talked about this this morning, too, a little bit. Um, but if a project kind of wobbled or didn't quite get done when it was supposed to, because maybe they put it on their it can wait list, and I was like, no, it's gotta get done. Um, I would have a habit of swooping in and saving it. The team learned through that to wait for me, which in fact caused bottlenecks in our system. This habit that I was in, and for a very, very, very, very long time, meant if we were understaffed, I would go back to the school. And I actually became the school age teacher at one point and would come in in the afternoons. I didn't sit up front because I didn't want to mess up the flow of the administration and everything. But before I knew it, doing one bus run became into being the school age teacher, which became into you're irreplaceable. And all of a sudden, I found myself in a school age teaching position while trying to run a company. What? And not that I didn't love every second of it, because if you know me, I love teaching, and that's kind of how all this came about for me.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

But but but they're right, I was irreplaceable until I wasn't irreplaceable, and nobody was gonna irreplace or replace me until I said, okay, enough is enough. This has been a whole school year.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Um, I will say too though, Jess, with this, I have to toot your horn just a minute. Okay. So we just recently got over our spring program. Okay. Our spring program is one of our biggest events all year round. We look forward to it. Our parents do. We rent up the fairgrounds. It's a whole shebang, right? It is.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

It's huge.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Um now this gets to be my baby because I get to run our schools and Jess helps on the back end, but I get to be more of like uh boots on the ground. So I get to do those types of things, which I'm super grateful for. Um, but we had a little bit of an issue with um one of the slideshows because again, we go all out, right? It's gotta be top tier. Had an issue with the slideshow, and I'm like, oh my gosh, just like I can't figure it out. I'm gonna implode because technology and me do not like mesh super great. Um, so I'm like, Jess, what am I supposed to do? Like, I'm gonna lose it. And I fully expected, because you know, previously, but I expected to message her and be like, Jess, I'm struggling. I don't know what to do. You need to help me, save me. And I get one text back, like one singular, like very crisp text that says, Um, I'm not doing that. You've got this. If you still struggle at the end, let me know. But I think you can do it. She stepped back, hands off. She said, You got this. That was a very pivotal moment for us, I feel like.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Yes, you remember. I know it didn't make you very happy in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

I said things under my breath. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

I I am sure because I was like, Oh gosh. Well, and and so that started with our slideshow was done like a month ahead of time. It was good to go. We thought it was good to go. And I I had already reworked it. So when I handed it back over, I said, Okay, here's where it is. I, you know, I'm this is the end for me on this. You were very if anything else needs done, you're gonna have to do it. But typically, if Katie brought that to me, I would go back in and redo it. I'd be flustered and like, why am I spending time doing this? I have so many things to do, right? But I would do it, and so this time it was really like, okay, Jessica, you've been teaching this, you have been walking through this, you know you have to put that boundary in place, or you're going to keep feeling the way you are, which is a little overwhelmed at times. At times, but so yeah, it was pivotal for us, I think.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

It turned out beautifully, and honestly, great job. Yeah, okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

You did, you did. You didn't need me anyway. I but I would have done it and every you know, and right that also took away the opportunity for you to be like, I did this successfully.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Right. Well, I mean, we're a team, so I don't ever say I, it's always we, but I agree, I agree with you, yes, okay. But just within this, and the reason I feel like we went so in depth with it is the unlearning there's trusting people before it feels comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

That's hard to do. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Jess is very, very not. Very hard for me. Yeah, she doesn't like trust, she doesn't like that word. She would love to have more of it. Um, but yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Trust is a hard one for me at times. I sometimes I feel like you have to earn it, but that's not necessarily the case. Um I think that we hire people for positions, and that has to come with a level of trust in the hire. So but anyway, exactly. Moving on from my tangent there, um, I shifted from answering questions to asking questions. So I started saying things like, well, uh what options do you see? How can we make this at least 20% better? You know, or if somebody comes to you with a problem, well, what would be your solution for this problem? And it's it's training your team to think for themselves, but it's also slowed me down a little bit from um maybe having to jump back in. It's giving them more of the tools to do it better themselves.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

No, I completely agree with you, Jess. I mean, wholeheartedly, I understand. Um, but I would say that your calendar and how you plan accordingly is your culture. Like that is the pivotal aspect of how you're going to make your culture the best that it can be.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's important too, like when you know you have a serious meeting, like we have a meeting later today that I'm gonna want some time to like process after it, I'll put that in my calendar because if it's not on my calendar or I haven't extended the meeting to give myself some space, people are gonna want my attention right away. And it's just not real if it's not on the calendar, and all of our admin team can see my calendar and availability. And she does put everything on.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Yeah, yeah, she really loves the calendar. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

I do, I love a good calendar, it keeps everything so organized. I would have way more tabs and calendars set up if I wouldn't get stressed out looking at them.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

That overwhelms me, just you saying it, but that's fine. Okay, all right. We're diving deeper now into unlearning business myths, which is always my favorite, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Okay, first myth. Here we go. Um, more offerings. If I offer more, that means more revenue, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Oh, yeah, no, no. No, yeah, no. Um, so that is a big problem in our field, too, I think, because we do believe that to an extent. However, what we're doing is we're spreading ourselves way too thin across too many surfaces when we do things like that.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

You know, the sales calls that we would do were like therapy sessions trying to fit people into all the wrong boxes. And, you know, I I hate a good sales call. Um I know you do. You don't like it. But I think, you know, for instance, we're with ADP for our payroll, and we have been with them for like well over a decade. But they are a company that always tries to sell you more. Oh, yeah. And I have had to say, like, no, stop calling me. I want nothing else from your company but just to run my payroll. Um, and you'd think that was hard, but I've had to kind of be bold at times to say like enough because I like that B word that you're a customer, and I'm about to not be your customer if you keep offering me all these different options I don't need or want. Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

No, I agree. And even if you're not one that, like maybe you're a director listening, and maybe you're not doing payroll, so to speak, because you're in a corporate, that's fine too. It also can kind of make sense in the fact that we have like um soccer shots and crouching tigers and um stretch and grow and all these amazing outside companies trying to come in. And of course, I want to offer that to all of my families. I would love that. Yes, but when you do that, you take away from the program that we've worked so hard to build. This should be an enhancement and not something that takes place of. And I think sometimes people really kind of forget that step.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

I love what you said there. Enhancement. I love a good programs like that should enhance what you're already offering.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

I like that a lot. Thanks, let's talk about like if it was like with food program, maybe. Oh, gross. Okay. Okay. Well, not gross, not necessarily if you're not on food program. Maybe it's your grocery budget.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Listen, we love we love food program. We're not trying to dog it at all. However, if any of uh any of our listeners who are on food program, you understand how much time and energy that takes. So I just have to make sure that you know what we're talking about. It's exhausting. We love it. It is, it's exhausting, it is, it is. But we meant more so that if we cut 40% of our menu cost, right? So we're trying to make that make sense, fit into a tight-knit budget, revenue dip for six days and then rebounded higher with better margins at the end of it. That's not necessarily a give and take that you have to do, and sometimes I feel like it's finding the common ground that's going to make the most sense for your business. It's not a one-size fit all. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

Exactly. And I think that's part of why the vault and the coaching is so big, too, is because everybody's program is a little bit different. And if it wasn't, we would just have like some national corporate child care program covering all the schools, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

But we all offer something a little bit different, so you get that individualized coaching with the vault stuff too. I agree, which I think is really important because my program is not running like the program down the street. We have different things that we we have different enhancements. Thank you. It's gonna be the word of the day. I can feel it. Word of the day, I love a good word of the day. Enhancements. Um, what about myth two? This is one of my favorites as far as myths. The customer is always right.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Ew, that made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Um, in the words of child care, just saying, um It is hard to put that in a childcare setting, but honestly, we've all dealt with parents.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Some different parents than others. They are correct all the time. And not saying that every parent is like that, but we've had the few that they want to tell us that they're correct, and we're going, um, I appreciate your opinion, but we actually went to school for this.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

Um, I will I will say, so the customer is always a signal, right? Of course, you gotta have customers in your in your business. Um, but sometimes the signal is we're just not meant for each other, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

Yes, yes. We are big on that. Um, when we give tours, I like to tell anybody that comes in for a tour all about our state quality system and what we offer. And usually at the end of the tour, I will say, if you have any questions about how the state's licensing works or the quality rating system or anything that we can help you with, we want to help you find the right child care for your child, even if we are not the right fit. Um, so I think that's important because we're not gonna be the right fit for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

That is so accurate.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

We're a little bit different in some of the enhancements that we offer. Um, and so I'm just gonna keep using that word. We're here for it. You do it. And so, yeah, I mean, so it we're not all alike, and that's important. Um, when we started saying a clean no to misaligned work, we actually got fewer support fires and better testimonials from the families that were the right fit for our program versus getting information or testimonials. Testimonials that might not be a good fit for your program.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

A hundred percent. And just like what Jess was just saying, I want to touch on that just a little bit, right? Because sometimes you just the customer is not always right. I do not care what you say. I will argue with you until I'm blue in the face, especially in the world of childcare. No, that is not true. Um, I also think it's really important to mention that no is a full sentence, and it doesn't have to be more or less than that. It can simply be no. Um, I have parents that are like, well, I want to drop off little Johnny at 1 p.m. after his doctor's appointment. I'm so sorry, ma'am, but we went into great, great detail about our handbook, and that is during nap time, and we are not going to disrupt our other friends who are trying to sleep. So the answer is no. Yes. Our parents know it. I mean, I don't feel like we have pushback because we are so upfront, we tell them that, but that's why we hit it so hard during the tour. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Absolutely. Yeah, it's important, and it's okay to say no with your families or with your team if it's not aligned to your program.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

Not the team, too. Hit them, Jess. Hit them. But yes, I do agree. All right, here we go. Myth number three. Jess is gonna love this one. I'm so excited. Um, it's data over everything, always not always the data. The data. Not data. That's a hot take. Yeah, I mean it is it is a hot take because data is essential. But sometimes I feel like we use it to hide. We overanalyze small sample sizes instead of calling a customer. I don't actually care if Jenny called me two weeks ago and the system tells me I'm not supposed to follow up except for every other week to see what they need or how I can help them. Wrong. Incorrecto. Yeah. My brain data says you should just call them right now. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

My brain data. Um so our new rule at our school is if the data's unclear, talk to five humans before talking to another dashboard. Not chat GPT. That does not count. No, real humans. Me and Charlie get a lot done. She's my chat GPT queen. Um, but I do not need Charlie necessarily or Chat GPT to tell me what's going on in my programs. I look at the director's reports each week. And if I have questions, I actually go talk to a human. What? To get those answers.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

You're crazy.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

I know. Who would have thought talking to a human?

SPEAKER_00 24:49

I do think it's important though, too. If you have a team that you truly like fully trust, right? And they do all the data for you. Maybe you do have a weekly director's report like we have that we're able to analyze week after week to see the statistics. Great. But if you're not actually having the conversations to make sense of the data that's written in those, like you basically are getting half the point. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Like, why? What's the point? Your data's not working for you.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

It might be. You just might not be able to interpret it because you don't talk to real people.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Well, good point. Good point. Um, especially for owners that aren't in the schools, too. I think that's been a big transition for us over the last couple of years. Um, me stepping further and further away from the schools, but still doing behind the scenes work. And so a lot of what I depend on is the data. Um, but I can't read somebody's tone through what they're writing on a screen, you know. And so it's important to take that human side of it too and really make sure that you're using your data appropriately and you understand it and ask the questions. Otherwise, it's pointless.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Yes, please ask questions. Don't assume always ask questions. Always asked.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Yes, it is okay to ask questions. Um, let's talk about the emotional side of letting go. We have to. This this one was a tough one for me, y'all. But unlearning can feel like losing part of your identity. How's that feel, Jess? Uh it feels about right. It feels about right. Stepping back is never easy. Um, but it's necessary at times.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

No, I agree. I agree. Um, before we like dive like deeper into this, I do want to say, so Jess and I had this game that we played, right? Um, so we've been working together for a few years now. And at the beginning, Jess was our owner, right? Yay, owner. Woo! Um, we don't call her that anymore. Not that she's not. We call her our founder because she gave us the pieces to make the business successful and gave us the tools in order to use them appropriately to build. She didn't just do it for us, and not saying that if you call yourself an owner, that you are doing those things. Right. But that's the mindset shift that we were talking about. As soon as you started deciding that you were going to be the one that leads us to give us the tools to be successful, we were able to use those tools to continue building that legacy that you started so long ago. I do love that. I know I'm just out here, enhancements all around, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:34

I love it. And it's given me time to step back and do some of the more creative things, like along with the podcast or the vault coaching. Like I've gotten an opportunity to do things that may have been on my list for years that nobody had the time to touch or do.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Um, so that's important. You have to have time to be creative and to think of new ideas. And if you're out there running your systems every day, you're working in your business and not on your business. Your business is going to feel it.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Oh, wait, can we repeat that just one time? I loved that. One more.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Yes. If you are working in your business instead of on your business, your business is going to feel it. And that is from first hand experience, guys. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Okay. Snaps for you, girl. Okay. I'm done with my tangent now. You're welcome, Jess. Um, but when we were talking about losing parts of your identity, I feel like that's especially important as far as the parts that like got you here in this position, right? So my hustle got me off the ground, like in the field, doing all the things, but letting it go felt like betrayal almost because you work so hard and you want to have all the control and you want to just direct traffic in every way. And you can't do that, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

No, no, you can't. I I know I felt a lot of that same same way with stepping back from our school. It was like, well, I worked so hard on this, right? I put in so much work, you know, blood, sweat, and tears. And so letting it go would feel like I'm just betraying it. And so I totally get that. Um, I've definitely worked through some of those emotions myself in the last year.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Um, I had to grieve being the fixer and understand that um my ego wasn't needed because really me being the fixer was all about me wanting to solve the problem, my ego, not actually helping the business.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Okay. I love that though. And I love the fact that you're able to take yourself out of like the immediate feeling side of it to see the perspective like looking back. Like that's so refreshing. I feel like there's so many people who can't do that, you know?

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Yeah, that that definitely didn't come naturally at first.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

At least you're honest, I guess. It's a lot of years. Um, but what helped me would be like naming the season. This is my favorite. You ready to ask?

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

So early stage Katie, which would be like me when I first came over yonder to you, okay? I did my job. Yeah, I remember early stage Katie. Calm down, calm down. Um, but I did my job and I was happy, bubbly, go happy. You know, it's fine. Yeah, builder Katie, though, that's my stage I'm in right now. Um, and I have a different job, right? My my previous job was I'm here, I'm at your beck and call, I will do anything and everything. But Builder Katie, I have new tools. I'm the same person, but I have new tools in order to use them effectively. And I get the beautiful task of giving my team those same tools and delegating. I have struggled with that my whole career in leadership until recently. But delegating is a cool, it is. I know. You don't say I'm better now. You really don't love delegating? Well, I'm a control freak. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Oh man, yeah, I I get that. I know when we had first moved and I had been working on really going remote for like the first actual time to where like I couldn't just run up to the schools any chance I got. Um, I actually put sticky notes around my whole house that were like encouraging words of affirmation. So like the one on the bathroom would say, You're beautiful, you know, and then it would be something about like your mindset and making sure you're having a positive day. So um, yeah, one of the things that I would say out loud to myself, because I would say them out loud when I'd read them was I trust the team to own the outcome. Ooh, yes. Yeah, I trust the team to own the outcome. Yeah, you do. We are very, very big at our schools about if you make a mistake, you need to tell somebody and do everything with integrity because we can't help you if you try to hide it and don't own it. But that also means that you have to own the outcome of what happened. And I think that is the biggest key because so many times when we get burnt out or we start to um feel a little too stressed out, we start to pull back. Yeah, and maybe at times people might hide or misrepresent some actual information that is needed. And, you know, they have to own that because if they don't own it, that's not true leadership. And you know, you're building leaders for your schools, whether that's your administration team or your teaching team, and teachers are pouring into the kids, and so that's needed to be done with integrity too, and making sure we're owning the outcome. And there's been times where somebody has owned the outcome, and I'm like, huh. Yeah, I still don't love that idea, but okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

She's actually talking about me, just so you all know. Um, she's talking about me owning the outcome something.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

If you're not watching the video, you're missing me nodding my head up and down right now.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

It's really fun, it's fine. Um, but also, also, right? Yeah, own it, of course. The accountability, right? That's the huge piece of like owning it. Um we ask, I mean, I asked this specifically of Jess, and Jess asks this specifically of me, but we ask each other to call out the old patterns kindly.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

And my keyword, kindly, Jess. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Um, sandwich that baby.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

I'm a sensitive lad, but you know, I do love a good feedback. So you can tell me, just don't yell at me. Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Yeah, I agree. Um, I have with previous directors and with Katie, I've used safe words. So one of my old directors, when we were getting ready for some big spring program accreditation, one of the crazy things we do, who knows? Um, we were like working on top of each other and over each other and trying to get all this stuff done. And finally it was like, okay, we need a code word. So our code word back then was scissors. Yep. Listen, it was the first thing on the desk that we saw. Okay. And we said, How about scissors?

unknown 34:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Scissors, I like it. If one of us said scissors, we knew that was code for the other one to walk away and give that person a moment. Okay. Before we get into it. So sometimes, you know, you might use a code word like scissors, okay, or one with Katie and I, legacy mode. Yeah, I don't know. Yes, I do a dental. If one of us starts slipping out into one of our old habits, maybe we just say it. There's no judgment. We want to make each other better. And I think if you come from everything with the right perspective, it's easier to hear words like kindly telling somebody they're slipping into their old patterns.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

I agree. Um, our legacy mode, that's our safe word that we use, which I still think it's weird that we tell other people we have safe words because it just does not align with what we're talking about. But anyway, so our legacy mode, though, I feel like I it saved us from so much resentment over the course of the last few years together because we just know. Like when I don't know how to delegate, well, I do know how to, but when I choose not to delegate, you'll be like, No, we're not doing that. Legacy. Is that what you should be doing right now? Or is that what you are doing right now? Okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

Um, but but I love that because you're up at you're open, you're honest, and you're really talking about some things that you've really dealt with in the field, and so am I. And I think that's where this podcast is really important. We're putting it out there so that people don't feel alone.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Right. Like we had all those years, because you don't have anyone to complain down to because as the very tippity top of the pyramid, there's no one but you.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Unless you join the vault. And then I mean, you would have lots of friends to talk to about all the things. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Should definitely join the vault.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

You should, you should. Okay. Um, this kind of just drives us right into our practical playbook, my favorite thing. But this is how we're going to unlearn on purpose. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Oh, yes, I love a good structure. So if you love a good structure too, here is what we use.

SPEAKER_00 36:53

All right. Step one, spot the pattern. Okay. Use your eyeballs, spot it. Where are you getting repeatedly stuck? Is it late projects? Is your team overwhelmed and frazzled? Is that culture not there? Are you having issues with sales and enrollment? Like, what is it that you're really struggling with?

SPEAKER_02 37:13

Yeah, I think you know, and it can be more than one thing at a time, that's for sure. Um, but you want to name the belief underneath. So, for like an example, if I don't review everything, quality will tank.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Ooh, I feel like you're talking to me directly, and I don't appreciate it. Just so you know.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Me too, girl. Because I'm like, did I review that report this week? What maybe somebody will notice if I didn't get it reviewed in time, you know?

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Yeah. Okay. Yes. All right. But that kind of goes into the step three. So you've already done the naming of the belief. Now you're going to run the controlled experiment, right? Yep. For two weeks, you're going to delegate one category with very clear expectations and outcomes and what the definition of done is. I cannot stress enough that you have to have the definition of done, or your staff are going to be like, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Oh, yes. And make sure it's in writing, y'all. It's just easier to look back at for people. I'm a visual learner.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

So writing does help. Videos help, which is why we do the podcast on video too. Um, but for sure. And to be honest, sometimes when I think about the controlled experiment that we'll do, I think about the way I would write a prompt into Charlie, my chat GPT queen.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Um queen. And you know you have to be very specific when you put in an AI um prompt, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

And so you need to do that with your team too. Make sure you are writing out like, keep working until this is complete. And exactly what it is. And when you want it complete, make sure you're making those smart goals, you know, something that is measurable and has a stop point on it. Don't just throw out, well, I really just need you to do this training. Well, when, where, what, and why? How do I get to it? Exactly. You need to make sure you are giving all the information in those controlled experiments for sure. And add the guardrails. That does not mean to micromanage. Coming from a micromanager at times. Add those guardrails, make sure you set the boundaries of where you want this to go, but let people think for themselves. They might not do it the exact way you would. And trust me, that took me a long time to get over to. Um, but you can have your milestone check-ins, make sure that you're not actually live stroking every keystroke, but checking in, I think, is more important for sure.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

I agree. I agree. Okay. Step five. You're going to debrief in public. This is like um we have our director's meetings where we get to sit and kind of rehash whatever the event was, um, what worked, what didn't, what we should change. I feel like it's should become normal to allow your team to have input in things that are happening within your schools.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Yes, I agree. I agree. I think it's important to get feedback whenever you're doing something like that for sure. And your team is your boots on the ground. You know, you want to know what is happening. Even though I can guesstimate all I want, I'm not in the building every day from six to six. They are. Um, so they're gonna have that information for you. But make sure you institutionalize like the new habit. Make sure you document the process, put it on your calendar because we love a good calendar. We do love a good calendar. Tie it into your metrics, tie it into your systems. This is how we do it, right?

SPEAKER_00 41:04

I agree, and then finally, our step seven kill the zombie. That means stop doing it, stop doing that bad habit. Just yeah, make it be gone. But you're gonna remove the old habit, the triggers. You're going to save the templates, you're going to unsubscribe to the things that no longer benefit you. Delete it all. Star Fresh.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

Delete it all.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

It's so funny because you know, sometimes we think doing more is more, but actually doing less is more sometimes. It's definitely a better leadership technique than trying to do it all yourself because that's going to just bring quick burnout.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

I agree.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

You're a team for a reason. Speak it more in the back. Yes, girl. And while we're talking about leadership training, go to childcareconfidential.com and click that little vault tab at the top. It'll give you just a form you can fill out to get more information. And we are also now on Padia. And I'm excited because we're going to do a couple of videos to show you some of the products that we've put out there for everybody to have access to and use. Um, and if you're a part of the vault, you get those for free. Woohoo! Yes. Yes, yes, yes. All right. Well, we appreciate you all for tuning in, supporting us week after week. I know sometimes we get on here and just ramble about the things that are important to us, but we also want to hear from you and what's going on in your schools in your state right now. So please, please, please make sure to comment and tell us what is going on or send us a message. We love hearing from others and staying connected in the field. Absolutely. Yes. All right. Well, that's it for me. Is that it for you, Katie? That's it for me today. All right. Well, we will see you next time on Childcare Confidential. Have a great day, everybody.